:: Scrotum and Labia ::

I have to believe that conversations will get us there. At least jump start renewed considerations and commitments. It’s the only only only thing giving me hope, as I gaze down the long windy, somewhat disconnected, never direct path toward anti-racism. Despair is an unproductive tool to wield in this never-ending battle against Racists, White supremacy and supremacy of any kind.

I returned from Alaska on March 26. Seat 16A was my home. My home was next to a White gentleman’s home. We had a nice time conversing in the wee hours of the morning, before takeoff. Upon takeoff, we promptly fell asleep. I woke to something brushing up the right side of my leg. To be honest, any unwanted or unanticipated touch anywhere on my body makes me immediately cringe, and my puts me on high alert.

Groggy but awake, I scanned my leg. And I saw the following. Man Spreading (it’s an illness, watch the video at link)…at my 3 o’clock. Alert, Alert.

So I sat up from my heads-up-seven-up position, and tried to recline and move my leg away from my neighbor’s leg. Surprise surprise. My elbow hit his elbow, which already occupied the arm rest that I shared.

I briefly considered saying something. Then thought better of it. Much easier to avoid confrontation, than to risk upsetting the sleeping bear next to me. You never know if you’re disturbing the peace of a bear who has recently eaten, or has been hibernating for 9 months. But it confirmed an already-present observation of mine. White Privilege is everywhere.

So I did as I have been doing. Writing to shed light on it. To process it. To heal in some small way.

I received many incredulous and supportive messages in response to what I shared. I also received some that were surprising. Messages pasted below.

Some friends and family reached out to be BTS (behind-the-scenes) to ask how I was able to remain so “Zen” and calm. How could I be so Buddha-esque in the face on someone who was clearly so ignorant as to the reality of being White in America. Or rather, being a person of color in America, even though his family — biologically and by marriage — is its own rich and diverse melting pot.

The answer was and is simple. This whole racism thing is sapping energy from me like never before. Though I consider myself a high-bandwidth individual, I am finding I have to pace myself, take breaks, drink water (and alcohol), just to make it through my morning, day and week. I even had to drop everything I know, leave my family, and go solo to Alaska to escape it all.

So the first rule of all of this is — don’t let anyone else zap your energy. Don’t give them that power over you. You alone, control your reaction. So make it a good reaction.

Secondly, is where I started at the beginning of this post. Anti-racists have to win the hearts and minds of racists. I am, at this point, providing full BotD (Benefit of the Freaking Doubt). I want to believe all of you “not-racists” out there are not yet Anti-Racists because you simply don’t know any better, weren’t taught to be any better, and haven’t taken the time to consider it for yourself. Therefore, I am taking on the duty to listen to you, hear your point of view, consider it deeply, and likely provide you with a bit of education, or in the very least, offer you a different perspective and a different life experience to consider.

And I need each of you Anti-Racist / Co-Conspirators to do the same thing. Let’s stop antagonizing each other, and set aside our egos enough to have a brave conversation with one, just one, non-believer (it’s probably all that our rising blood pressure will allow for anyways). Instead of acting like a high and mighty Liberal, in our woke echo chambers, let’s listen to our fellow humans and understand where they feel personally attacked, injured, and set back on their heels. I think a lot of people will not agree with me. That we’ve spent millennia listening to White men and look how far it’s gotten us. Our people are still dying.

I was on a work call this morning with the Women in Nike, which is a group of 26 ex-WNBA players who have recently joined Nike as employees. One who had played overseas ball in Turkey said that her biggest challenge while there was communication. Her advice was: “Speak to people where they’re at, if you really want them to understand you.” I thought it was relevant to how I’ve been feeling. For me to swallow my gall, once again, put on a happy and open face, open my ears, heart and brain to bigots, racists, and those that simply do not know, for the chance that maybe they shall one day know. And once they know, that they will take it upon themselves to educate their aunts and uncles, mothers and fathers, grandparents, and kids — about the righteous way — the Anti-Racist Way. One can only hope.

And the absolute real winner coming from a boy I went to First Grade, with. As a new immigrant to this country, feeling all out of place. This was not his fault. In fact, I will always remember his Mom, Debra, being one of the most welcoming, inclusive people. But his reasoning was less-than-spectacular. He did concede I do have an elbow. I hope he knows I have two.

Why Scrotum and Labia? Two men asked me to re-consider. That the rampant practice of manspreading actually cannot be helped by men because they have a big hairy scrotum, that they do not want to stick to the sides of their legs/groin. That’s an interesting argument. When will those men stop to consider that I have two labia and I also don’t want those to stick to themselves either. (Sorry you have to read this, Maya & Quinn). The Racists & White Supremacists forced me to do it.

And to all you women out there, I leave you with this picture of my gorgeous friend — Lydia, womanspreading in all her absolute infinite Glory.